floydjoy

Twelve ways Patrick Swayze and his mullet will change your life. I’m on the couch flipping channels. Not looking for much, just something to watch. The Bachelorette? Uh, no. According to Jim? Double no. Law and Order? No, three channels in a row. Then, a smile breaks out on my face as Patrick Swayze comes into frame on the next channel – probably TNT – and slams some poor dude’s head through a table top. Awesome. It’s Road House. I throw the remote aside; it’s useless to me now. A couple of quick facts. FACT #1: There are literally thousands of people who say that Road House is a bad movie and has nothing substantial to offer. FACT #2: These people are spectacularly wrong. FACT #3: Road House is one of the greatest films ever made. FACT #4: Road House may very well be the only self-help guide you’ll ever need. Like it or not, these are the facts. And yes, I’ve heard all the arguments. “You can’t be serious,” the elitist cineaste might say over a hot cup of Earl Grey. “For example, the ...

I don’t know what album I need to break out right now, but I sorely need one. I’ve got a lethargy to end all lethargies. Usually, I can find music of some kind to help lift me out of it, but today? No dice. Isn’t it interesting how the right music can elevate you out of a mood, or put you further into one? I’m not talking just one song, either — although that in itself is a cool enough notion — I’m talking about full-on albums. Anybody can listen to Survivor’s “Eye of the Tiger” and get pumped about working out, running, playing a game or just simply getting off the couch, but the extended feeling of a well-crafted flow of songs into a single experience can transport your state of mind into something else entirely. It’s about the feeling you get. You can wallow, celebrate, whatever you want, if you’ve got the right tuneage. So herewith, my favorite mood-changers, enhancers and comfort foods. It’s raining outside, I’m somewhat melancholy and want to stay that way. My first instinct? Bre...

Me! Well, me and my wife Robin. While the grammar police decide whether to issue me a warning or just plain give me a ticket for that last sentence ... I don't really care. Sorry. Too busy celebrating/freaking out about looming responsibility. It's pretty cool, actually. This will be a grand new adventure. My friend Jeff voiced his concern however, and rightfully so, that I - me, floydjoy, the goofball he's known since forever - would be responsible for another human. While I understand he was largely joking, let me just say ... concern noted. In fact, I've got that same feeling myself. Anyhoo, come late July, a little bundle of floydjoy will be here. A little boy. Nope, no names yet. Okay, some fun, obviously NOT suggestions that have been offered up: "Copen" Eggen Worf Tiberius Eggen Jack Bauer Eggen Landry Staubach Eggen Indiana Eggen Brett Favreneggen Yup. That's me, baby, all class.

I'm in a wistful mood, so I might as well take it out on you. It's probably Charlton Heston's fault. Here I was, just sitting around, mourning his passing a little - even though I never knew him personally - and that got me to thinking about how cool it was back in the day when local TV stations had "Apes Week," where they'd air all five PLANET OF THE APES movies right after school at 3:30 or so. I loved those movies. By extension, I loved Charlton Heston. And that reminded me of how much I missed those days. Now, I know the past is the past. I also know that the past was never really as cool as the nostalgia conjured since then. There was always some drama, whether it was girls, school, friends or all in my own head. But screw all that. "Wistful" doesn't mean "reality check." After all, I can be maudlin all I want. So, forty some-odd years in, some of the long-ago things I miss. My red, white and blue Jim Plunkett/Patriots-edition leat...

Pretty sure this is what "putting the cart in front of the horse" means.

I know what you're saying. You're saying, hey man! Another post with videos? Yeah, you got me. I'm lazy. So what? The important thing is we made it to the weekend! HIGH FIVE! HIGH-FIVE HOLLYWOOD! on FunnyOrDie.com True confession: I've never seen an episode of the Sopranos. But that didn't stop me from enjoying this Kenny Mayne ESPN spoof starring Cowboys coach Tony Sparano, Tony Romo, Mark Cuban and Jason Witten. And I could listen to Journey all day (and frequently do). Cool sidenote: this video was filmed at the Local Diner, which is right across the street from my office. I eat there all the time. I don't know how to introduce this one, so I'll just ask the question. What if there's bears? What If There's Bears? on FunnyOrDie.com Ever heard of Jack McBrayer? Dude's comedy genius. Livin' 'Neath The Law with Jack McBrayer on FunnyOrDie.com This next clip just kills me. Tim Meadows tries to keep Dewey from ... well, just watch. And sa...

Okay, I'll make this short and sweet, mainly because I can barely believe I'm wasting valuable time that could be better spent pounding my forehead against a doorjamb or watching the second hand on a clock move. But I digress, as I always do. For your perusal, a rough, woefully incomplete timeline of a bizarre nature: 1. When it all began, it was pretty much common knowledge that Kevin Federline - henceforth referred to with the genius moniker K-Fed - was a no-talent layabout that lucked out; in its pure essence, his story was the equivalent of your cousin Chauncey hitting the lottery. 2. We held off making uninformed, snap judgements until ... ... his complete lack of talent was confirmed. 3. Flash-forward: Britney and K-Fed split up. And amazingly enough, if you can believe it, at this point we still had a positivish impression of Britney. 4. Britney self-destructed on a scale heretofore unimagined. (Google "Britney Spears" and you'll find all you need to know; ...